


Angels Belong in Heaven

by PyrotechnicsPhenom6996



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Drinking to Cope, Drugs, Established Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, No Spoilers, Panic Attacks, Sad and Sweet, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 09:40:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26849815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PyrotechnicsPhenom6996/pseuds/PyrotechnicsPhenom6996
Summary: Massive fuckin' trigger warning for this ficPlease, don't read if you think it'll be triggering to you.I've been having a shit time with my mental health and venting like this actually helps...Aidan Cassidy has always had a problem with self-harming, but lately, it became a big problem when the rest of the gang found out, especially Bill.Bill had made a promise after the incident to protect him and make sure he’s okay, Aidan doesn't care but soon he'll see how much he really does care.
Relationships: Bill Williamson/Original Male Character(s), Bill Williamson/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. The incident

**Author's Note:**

> Read tags before proceeding, and mind you writing this type of Fiction helps me cope, so don't bash on me or anything.

It was late at night when I took a blade to my skin for the fourth time that week, I was sitting in my tent with blood trickling down my arm. I make another cut, just above the other ones that separated my skin like fresh bread baking in a brick-stove oven. Blood pooled beneath my hand as it hung down between my legs, I sat on my cot with only my long johns covering my bottom half. It felt cold tonight, but regardless I refuse to put on any more clothes than I had to, I deserve the cold feeling, the gooseflesh that made my skin feel strange. Foreign is what it felt like, my flesh is not my own. My face was burning but my hands were chilled as I held my hunting knife to my pearlescent skin. I don’t make any sound as my forearm throbbed with a betrayal-like numbness, my eyes were slick but not with tears, something else but I certainly do not know what.  
The rest of the gang should be asleep as it was early hours of the light of day. But, my ears picked up the footfalls coming towards my tent, slightly on the heavier side, “H-Hey, Aidan, can I come in?” Bill said as he went ahead and walked into my tent without waiting for… my instruction to do so. I don’t bother to hide my arm from Bill Williamson, as I was sure he wouldn’t give a shit about me. I looked up at him as I was in the middle of making another cut, I paused when his eyes flicker from my arm up to my face then back to my arm. Bill was at a loss for words as he watched me wipe the blood off of my knife before I put it back in its sheathe and placed it underneath my pillow to my right. “Why… do you do that to yourself, Aidan?” Bill said in a hushed whisper, I wordlessly grabbed a semi-clean washrag from the water bucket by my bed and dunked it into the water before washing the blood off of my arm. “I… don’t know,” I grumble as I roughly scrub my arm, making it bleed even more instead of cleaning it. “Yes, you do! Why are you hurting yourself?! Do you think we don’t care about you?!--.” Bill yelled, I jumped up from my cot, accidentally knocking over the bucket, and threw the rag to the ground. “Fine! You wanna know why the FUCK I cut myself?! Why I fuckin’ slice myself open?!” I scream at him and got in his personal space, I grabbed him by his shirt and pushed him out of my tent, “It’s not because I think y’all don’t love me! It’s not because I feel lost or any of that bull shit!” I yell again, the remaining members who were awake looked on in curiosity, and the ones who were previously asleep are now awake. Including Dutch, who watched from his own tent. 

“I wanna go home!”

Bill just looked confused, as did everyone else, “What do you mean, you are home!” Bill yelled at me again, grabbing ahold of my bare shoulders, his hands were warm on my freezing skin. The pain in his eyes was very apparent, “Heaven! I’m talking about going to heaven… I don’t wanna live anymore, Bill. I wanna fuckin’ die. But, I’m fuckin’ scared about leaving you guys!” I screamed before I broke down, tears that I’ve held back for so long are now spilling over my heated cheeks. Bill wrapped his large arms around me and held me close to his chest, I sag against him and wrapped my arms around him tightly as I cried, no, I sobbed. Something I haven’t done in years, I began panicking and hyperventilating. “Shush, it’s ok, stop it now. Please, it’s gonna be ok, you’re ok Aidan.” Bill said as he ran his fingers over my buzzed head, comforting me in a way I’ve forgotten long ago, “Bill, what happened?” Dutch asked as he walked over to us, “I-I found him cutting up his own arm, I questioned him about it but he turned aggressive, and then you saw the rest.” Bill said as he rubbed my back, heating up my chilled flesh, it felt welcoming yet unfamiliar. “Stay with him for a while, take away his weapons, and make sure he doesn’t do anything like this again. Mrs. Grimshaw, please clean Mr. Cassidy up and fix his arm, if you don’t mind.”  
“Of course, Dutch.” Mrs. Grimshaw said as she rushed to grab medical supplies from the caravan, Bill helps me walk back over to my tent, Mr. Grimshaw trailing behind us, I vaguely remember being laid down and cleaned up. All I remember before falling into a deep sleep was Bill’s bearded face looking down at me with a soft, endearing smile. “It’s all gonna be ok, Aidan. I promise.”  
Yeah, maybe it will be. Time will tell, I suppose.


	2. Whiskey and Stew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of nights after the incident, Bill has become very invasive, I wonder why...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another chapter!  
> I've been meaning to update this one because I desperately needed to, and now that I have, time for more Bill

I felt uncomfortable.  
A day or so after that night in my tent, Bill thought it’d be best to move his bedroll into my tent.

And to watch over me, constantly. Bill has been very invasive, and quite rightly so, but he doesn’t have to be metaphorically handcuffed to me. We’re sitting at the main campfire eating stew right now, the sun had just started to go down and some of the others were just now getting done with chores around the Horseshoe Overlook camp. Bill was sitting oddly close to me as we ate, his whole left side was pressed against my right side. Bill occasionally glanced at me while he slurped loudly on his stew, his arm, thigh, knee, and foot was flushed against my own, “C-Can you scoot over, you’re really making me uncomfortable.” I spoke softly, almost startling Bill as it was near dead silence except for the crackling flames of the fire.

“Oh, sorry…” Bill mumbled as he scooted over a little, giving me a bit more space, but despite this, I still felt uncomfortable. I shook my head a little and finished off my stew before standing up to walk over to Pearson’s caravan, Bill got up and followed me as he finished off his own bowl of Pearson’s beef and potatoes stew. I walked behind the caravan and placed my dirty dish in the used dished bin, Bill doing the same once he caught up with me, “Can you slow down, why are you runnin’ around?” The burly man asked as he put his hand on my chest to keep me stationary after I tried moving past him.

Bill’s big hand felt warm on my chest, _‘fuck, what is wrong with me?’ ___

__“I dunno, I feel weird around you…” I mumble as his hand drifted down a little before he removed it completely, he tilts his head in confusion as he spoke quietly, “Why? I’m just protecting--.” Bill began speaking but I cut him off, “I don’t know, my heart swells whenever you touch me and I feel my face get hot when you even look at me. I don’t like the fact that when I see you, I think, ‘Oh god please touch me’ but then when you don’t I get angry…” I spoke quickly but slow enough for him to follow along, my heart began to beat faster and I started to hyperventilate._ _

__Bill saw the tears that fell down my face and how quick my breathing was; he didn’t know what was happening to me but regardless he wrapped his strong arms around me. My breath hitched when he brought my head down to rest on his shoulder as he held me close to him, his beard tickled my neck but I didn’t care as he situated my arms around his waist. “Shush, Aidan, I know. It’s ok, I-I’m here.” Bill said as he hugged me close, his hand rubbing circles on my back, I whimper as I try taking deep breathes to try and calm down._ _

__Bill whispered something into my hair, I couldn’t understand what he was saying until he pulled me off of him a little. “I love you, Aidan…” Bill said, he then grabbed my face and kissed… me. _‘Oh, lord, he’s fuckin’ kissing me! What if someone finds us?!’ _was all I could really think but the worries about being seen melted away when my breathing calmed down, my eyes fluttered closed a moment later. Bill pulled away a little to press his forehead against mine, “Are you calm now, Aidan?” The burly man whispered, his breath smelled of whiskey and stew, his lips… tasted just the same.___ _

____“Y-Yeah, I-I’m a bit better… Thank you, Bill.”_ _ _ _

____Bill just smiled as I wrapped my arms around him again, burying my face into his neck. “I-I love you too, Bill,” I murmur before pulling back with a soft smile, “Do you wanna go for a drink?” I asked, my smile pulling into a grin. Bill laughs a bit before nodding his head while taking my hand to lead me towards the horses, ‘Oh, this is gonna be fun!’ I thought to myself excitedly, nearly jumping up and down on each foot as we go over to Brown Jack._ _ _ _


	3. Early Morning Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What a night we had, sucks that I barely remember it though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, this kinda took a bit but I think this chapter is really cute hehe.

_‘Damn, we drank heavily last night. I barely remember coming back to camp, let alone falling asleep in the arms of bill Williamson… Ok, that part I remember.’ _  
I groan softly, my head throbbed as I squinted at the light that peered through the closed flaps of my tent. I felt the strong arms around me shift as the man behind me turns onto his back, I glance over my shoulder and find Bill snoring softly. I just now realized we were barely wearing anything, I blushed at the memory of our clothes landing on the floor of my tent, “Ooh, I hope we weren’t loud.” I mumble as I get out of my cot.__

__I quickly find my own flannel, pants, and my boots, putting them on in a daze, I then exit the tent to find a cool fog hanging in the air. “Must be early morning then,” I said in a low tone, going over to the pot of coffee with my tin cup I grabbed from my satchel, Kieran popped out from behind the munitions caravan and waved at me. “Hello, Aidan, sleep well?” The young man asked as he grabbed the pot of coffee and waited for me to reach him, “Y-Yeah, uh, were we too loud?” I ask as I hold out my cup._ _

__“No, at least I don’t think so, I was asleep pretty early last night,” Kieran said as he poured me some of the bitter, black liquid, I nod and blow air on my coffee to try and cool it down a bit before I drink. We stood there drinking coffee for a little, slowly everyone woke up and began their normal routine of doing chores. “How’s your arm doin’?” Kieran asked after a while as he pointed to my bandaged forearm, it itched a little but it’s healing ok with the help of Charles’ remedies.  
“It’s doing good, kinda hurts when I accidentally hit it against something but otherwise it’s fine.”_ _

__Kieran smiles warmly as he nods, “I’m glad you’re doin’ okay… But, how long does Dutch want you to stay at camp? I’ve noticed that you’re a little restless.” Kieran said with his head tilting to the side a little, I smiled and dismissed his words with a wave of my hand. “Don’t worry about me, Kieran, I’ll be fine. But, when Dutch tells me when I can go out on missions again, we’ll go out to rob some poor fools and the go for a drink!” I said excitedly with a grin, Kieran blushed at my excitement before he went over to the horses to start brushing them and cleaning up their saddles._ _

__I heard thudding footsteps behind me and expected to see Bill behind me but when I turned around, Micah Bell was standing there with a tin cup in his hand. “Hey…” Micah said in a soft but gravelly voice, his bruises from the fight he had in Strawberry were still very apparent, “Mornin’, your eye looks better. Does it hurt still?” I asked, he just nodded as he walked closer to me to reach for the coffee percolator, Micah and I were good enough friends and to the point where he’d run to me the first chance he got when he found out new information about a homestead that needs robbin’ or a stage that needs to be taken control of._ _

__I glance at my tent and it seems that Bill is still sleeping, I sighed a little, catching Micah’s attention he stands up straight and turned towards me. “You okay, Cowpoke?” I turned towards him and shrugged my shoulders, “Yeah, just a bit tired.” I say, unsure if I should bring up what Bill and I did last night. “Go back to bed then, no one will say anything about it,” Micah said before patting my shoulder and walking off. I dump out the rest of my coffee and placed the cup in the dirty dish bin before walking back to my tent. As soon as I walked in I was bombarded with the image of a naked Bill Williamson laying on his stomach, his butt on full display, I felt my face burn bright with heat as I gaze at his naked form.  
“Was wonderin’ when you was comin’ back in here.” _ _

__I jumped at the sudden voice of Bill, he peered over his shoulder at me with a grin, “S-Sorry, I wanted some coffee and Kieran was busily flappin’ his gums.” I said with a soft laugh. I began dressing down and out of my black and white flannel, worn ranching pants and boots, once I was only in my long johns I climbed back into the cot. I heard him let out a deep rumble of appreciation when I situated the blanket over us and wrapped my arm around him, he scooted back into me with a soft shiver, “Cold?” I asked softly as I nuzzle his shoulder._ _

__“A little bit, but you’re makin’ me warmer.”_ _

Bill mumbles as he hugs my arm that’s wrapped around him, “I’m glad I could be of service, Mr. Williamson.” I mutter into his bare shoulder, my breath making him shudder. A little bit later I asked Bill if I could hug him from the front so I could ‘warm him up further’, Bill shifted and turned around to wrap his arms around me again. I bury my face into his neck, sighing softly as he settles into the cot again, “I love you, Aidan, now and forever.”  
_’Now and forever? Wow, I really must be loved by him, I never thought that Bill Williamson would be mine and I would be his, Jesus.’ _  
“I love you too, now and forever.”__


End file.
